My son started showing signs of school phobia at the beginning of Grade 11 following the numerous shutdowns of in-person learning. However, if I look back, he and his twin brother began exhibiting signs of school phobia from the beginning in kindergarten. It was only until my one son began missing multiple school days (outside…
Sad and disappointed to read that the plight of today’s school Refuser hasn’t changed much since my nightmare experience in elementary and high school in the late 50’s and 60’s. As a child born with an undiagnosed anxiety disorder I hated school and started running away at age 7. Because I was forced to go…
I don’t know where to start. I do know that my daughter was left behind in the school system. She had a major trauma happen to her in kindergarten. I let the school know. The next year in grade 1 she had significant difficulties that showed in her behavior. I realized she hated going to…
My heart breaks for my son. I worry about his future, and as it stands, school does not give the support he deserves; he will probably end up in a trade. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if he could be an engineer, the educational system would have to change.
My son has had issues all his life. In preschool, red flags were noticed and professional services were obtained. During his time at school, he was told he’s being a baby, he’s a “drama kid”, to get over it, has a victim complex- by the principal of his school- and was being yelled at by…
My eldest son was suicidal 3 years ago. The demands of school outstripped his ability to meet the expectations. He was in the mental health unit for 2 weeks. Upon returning to school, it was a long, hard battle with a school with zero knowledge of how to help. Ultimately, we had to pull him…
Too many to list! Many days, I get the call from school: “was late for class”. Or did not attend. A detention always follows, regardless of how often I try to explain anxiety.
Last year, my son would constantly complain that he was too sick to go to school. His stomach would hurt, and we would always agonize about whether to send him to school or not. If we kept him home, he always felt better. We suspected that he had dyslexia, but the school completely ignored our…
The end of grade 6 was very challenging for my child. He was struggling with anxiety and refusing to attend school, and he missed close to 20 days of school in the last couple of months. As a concerned parent, I advocated for my son and took him to his paediatrician (who was not helpful).…
My daughter is a bright, intelligent child. She excelled in grade 7. But she was bored. She would always finish early in class. Teachers would tell her to sit quietly if she had no work, sometimes for up to an hour. She was not allowed to go to the library or out in the hall…
My son has been diagnosed with multiple mental health disorders; stress and lack of structure are triggers. My son has been bullied and suspended many times because his bully will tease and want to fight; then, if my son retaliates, he’s punished every time; if he goes to a teacher, nothing is done, and seeking…
Our daughter’s IQ is 145 with a processing speed of 96 and a working memory of 100. Because her PS and WM are average, she does not qualify for an LD, according to DSM-V. She would have qualified with DSM-IV. The psychologist told us that she is at a high risk of mental health concerns…
In the second semester of ninth grade, my daughter completely shut down. She is highly intelligent (was advanced a few years in elementary), and I don’t understand why she suddenly stopped getting high marks. She didn’t complete any assignments, and then finally for the month of June, she did not go to school once, not…
My child missed half a school year in kindergarten. Five days a week for 6 hours for a 5-year-old is too much. From kindergarten to grade 3, every morning was a fight…always too tired. Coming home with timed math test with results 2 out of 20 correct was devastating for my daughter’s confidence. Why in…
We have two children with anxiety and school refusal. We have gone from a family who had it all together to barely being able to keep our heads above water. We have lost friends, money, and opportunities. We have not been able to support our parents as they age. Almost every day is a struggle…
My son has always struggled with anxiety, but after witnessing his younger sister get injured by their father – she died a horrific death – he has complex PTSD on top of the anxiety. Neither our legal system nor our school system recognizes his poor attendance as school refusal or as a result of his…
Our daughter always did well in school until grade 8. She was in French Immersion, loved projects, and did well in most subjects. She hardly ever missed a day of school. One year, she got an award for perfect attendance. We noticed that she excelled in certain things like projects, often going over and above…
While it’s only the third day in the new school year, my 13-year-old daughter has only been to school for about one full day altogether, due to extreme anxiety and school refusal. This has been ongoing since the beginning of grade 7 (she’s now beginning grade 9). Although her elementary school has been wonderful in…
We submitted our human rights complaint at the end of grade 5, after 3 months of school refusal that was met with shock from school and division admin because they didn’t understand why she didn’t want to be at school. We had over 300 pages of emails (and that doesn’t include phone calls and meetings)…
My child always has to ask for the support. My child is not able to request the help. This is part of the problem. Staff need to know the signs and act on them.
My son started having anxiety in grade 5, and as he got older it worsened. By grade 9, I was fighting with him to go to school; in grade 10, he just stopped going. I had meetings with the school. They offered a quiet room to do work and an in-home tutor. He should be…
My daughter has panic attacks about school, especially when teachers speak in a condescending tone that is intended to imply encouragement but actually just lacks understanding of what my child is struggling with. Oftentimes, the teachers don’t have other solutions or approaches to a situation other than to say, “Well, just try your best!”, and…
Our daughter loves learning and is a strong student but, over the years, her anxiety has become so linked with the over-stimulating school environment that she can’t even do schoolwork at home it is so stressful for her. In our entire region, there does not exist a program that she is eligible for, where she…
Every day they have good intentions of going to school and doing well, until they go to bed and think all night about everything they have to do the next day. They are then too exhausted to get up in the morning; they basically freeze…fight or flight mode.
My daughter initially complained of headaches before school – we saw a paediatrician, had her vision and hearing checked. No one indicated anxiety was a possible cause, and it was only a random internet search that tuned me in to the topic of school refusal. That allowed me to speak more openly with our daughter…
My son (now 16) has always had a difficult time in school. He was labelled early as hyper and impulsive, but he was happy and wanted to befriend everyone. This label followed him everywhere. The phone calls came so often and were so stressful that, every day at 1:30, I would turn my phone on…
My daughter was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and anxiety at age 7. Despite years of trying, my (very high-functioning) daughter received her first IEP at the age of 11. (She is currently 13.) It was too little too late. At this point, she had endured years of bullying and numerous outbursts from teachers (in frustration…
My son was born different. I didn’t notice how much that would be a problem until he started school. It took 6 years of headaches, tummy aches, tears, wetting his pants, purposely throwing up, uncontrollable ticks, constant errors on paper when it came to tests, constant reminders that my child was impulsive, unorganized, easily distracted,…
Teachers are trying to teach at all levels, and they are overwhelmed. Less mature students are being moved along in the education system and are in grades that aren’t academically fitting for them. They are creating chaos and upset in a setting that is above their social and academic level. I believe if children aren’t…
My daughter has high-functioning anxiety and depression. School is the thing that triggers her anxiety the most. Every day, she feels extremely pressured by the amount of homework she receives in advanced courses. She literally feels like it is endless and that she can’t catch a break. She gets marks in the high 90s, but…
My son has struggled since junior kindergarten. He has slipped through and is not getting a proper education. He has been suspended 4 times this year. He just wants to be in school and learn. They are not following the Individualized Education Plan and safety plan and he suffers. I feel bullied and intimidated by…
My child was always anxious about school. He has a learning difference. When he couldn’t do things, he attracted attention by acting silly. He started getting into trouble; this made him more anxious. There was downward spiral. The school did not recognize his learning disability. They thought he was purposefully choosing not to do his…
My son would have anxiety attacks starting in grade 3 and self-harmed in these moments at school. He would be sent to the office to sit in a noisy office till the end of school. He would come home red-faced and refused to talk about it. He would make himself sick and beg me to…
Unfortunately, one paragraph would not even begin to explain the pain, anguish, and heartache our family has undergone over the last 10 years around school refusal. We are truly exhausted. Our son could read at 2 1/2 and was so excited to start JK and follow his two older sisters to “big” school. He went…
This is the second time we have experienced school refusal due to anxiety, first in kindergarten and now in grade 5. (We left public school in kindergarten and were forced to move into distributed learning.) Thank god they have that in BC, so we could do part-time homeschool and attend part-time classes at a local…
We struggled a lot with school. One teacher told my child that her autism was a punishment from God – that is a terrible thing to tell a child! It led to permanent resentment of faith-based institutions. Another school did not know what to do after my child had a failed suicide attempt – instead…
Somehow, my bright, well-adjusted grade 7 son began to have anxiety about going to school. We don’t know why. When he wasn’t in panic attack mode, you would think he is the most well-adjusted kid out there. Within a few months, he was completely unable to go to school at all. We quickly began to…
As a mother, I want to teach my son to advocate for his own health. If he truly does not feel well enough mentally or physically to go to school, I let him rest that day. I do ask him to use his words and tell me why he doesn’t want to go to school.…
Our son had to literally be “peeled” off me every morning and practically dragged into the school kicking and screaming. It was awful for both my son and me. The three teachers who had to drag him in every morning would kind of chuckle as if it was funny. It became a routine…”Oh, here comes…
My daughter took a mental health day from school and missed some important information for a test a few days later, so she had extra work to catch up on which only added to her anxiety.
A seven-year-old with severe ADHD fitting the classic explosive child behaviours with some defiance and work refusal witnesses his closest relative, his grandmother, die while being resuscitated; mother works in the school. He is returned to school after one week of grieving, to “keep a normal routine”, as kids just bounce back through these things.…
My daughter started struggling with her organization in grade 5. Her male teacher would call her lazy and intimidate her to try and get her to do homework. Her best friend turned on her in grade 7, and my daughter started to show signs of anxiety and was sick a lot. In grade 8, she…
When he was just a baby, my second-born did not like crowds. At family functions, he would go to the quietest spot until he just could not take it anymore and would beg to go home. He was always anxious as a child. He began saying he was quitting school when he was 9 years…
My son dislikes going to school. It started in grade 4. His teacher bullied and embarrassed him because he wasn’t comfortable performing/speaking in front of the class. Grades 5 and 6 were better due to a great teacher. Grades 7 and 8 were also pretty good. The issues started again in grade 9. The school…
My kid would not get out of bed for 3-4 days at a time. I was scared, terrified. We were able to get her into a youth residence to help start her mental health healing. She did very well at the in-house schooling. The program allows a maximum stay of only 3 weeks, so while…
Being from a divorced family, my child has struggled with two different parenting techniques, along with a few teachers who also do not condone her behaviour. Without a calm, understanding, and encouraging environment, I believe we take steps backward in not helping these children, and it would be very helpful to have everyone on the…
My son was socially awkward from day one in school; the isolation started very young, and the teachers kept encouraging me to focus on play dates outside of school. I did my best, but eventually, the playdate invitations weren’t reciprocated, and I gave up. We had our own social support network of kids with whom…
For our family, anxiety and school refusal followed years of our child’s being sent to the hall or the principal’s office for not sitting still in his seat or for being a distraction to the others in class. Even after having assessments done and recommendations from the psychologist for accommodations for ADHD and LDs, he…
My son is a very bright child. He reads above grade level; math skills are above grade level; he’s kind and willing to please. He was in grade 1 last year and began getting notes home about his behaviour. It didn’t sound like our son. We talked to him, and he told me he was…
My son would refuse to go to school and tell us he’s stupid and he hated himself and wished he was dead. The school and division had no supports for him and refused to have a psych consult for his reading. Six days before his diagnosis, the Inclusion Coach told us, “He’s just not ready…
My daughter has a kidney disease that causes low immunity and weekly infusions in hospital. This is a critical and complex disease that will not go away until she receives a transplant. She is struggling to find routine and normalcy. She has been diagnosed with separation anxiety and does not want to be away from…
Our son was doing OK in high school in the first couple of years. In grade 9, he was a fraction away from being an honours student, but was constantly being bullied, and the staff just didn’t seem sure of how best to support him. Previously, it had been suggested he may have autism, but…
My daughter is not defiant or lazy. She is not mean, weird, or difficult. She has anxiety. She has a mental health condition that makes it so hard for her to get to school and do what is expected of her. She feels a level of stress and worry that is not normal. She lives…
From grade 1 through to the end of grade 8, my son struggled with the school system. He was diagnosed with ADHD in grade 2. The general response from teachers and administrators was, “Well, we have other students on IEPs so we get it.” or “My child has….” As they say, “If you’ve met one…
My now 13-year-old has exhibited school refusal since kindergarten. Not just protest, but full-on-won’t-leave-his-bed-refusal. No punishment or withdrawal of privileges has ever helped. I wish we could homeschool, but his father (my ex) won’t agree to it, and, frankly, I’m not equipped for it. I have tried and continue to try all the resources and…
Every day, you dread the sound of the phone ringing. It’s 9:30 and you just know it’s the school. The principal may ask if he can come home, or he’s going to be on the line saying he doesn’t feel well. When you refuse his leaving, you must deal with the anger he has, because…
The biggest school refusal my child had was when she was put into a small special-needs classroom with high special needs. She knew that she wasn’t learning and that she wanted to learn. She said it makes her feel like a baby. She also had school refusal when she was in kindergarten and grade 1,…
My son’s first year in high school was a nightmare: a very large school, new territory for him to navigate, new influences, and reluctance by him to ask for support. It became a full-time job just to try and stay on top of his assignments, homework, and deadlines. It became so overwhelming for him; he…
My daughter’s school refusal and anxiety were definitely linked to her diagnosis of ASD1. We were not able to get that until she was 11, and only via private practice. It led to high anxiety and depression. Even though she wanted to go to school, starting in kindergarten, she experienced difficulty getting there. She experienced…
I do all that I can to encourage my child to attend school, to do her work, and to try to be involved in extracurricular activities in order to meet people and feel part of the community. Because I am not there with her, I feel helpless and not supported by school personnel. It seems…
Despite all the talk and supposed education on bullying, it has not gotten better. If anything, it is worse. In my daughter’s first year of high school, she was slapped in the face during class, and the teacher did nothing. In another class, a boy constantly told her to kill herself; the teacher knew and…
Situation 1 – My child has always been extremely anxious about fire drills, to the point where my child would refuse or attempt to refuse school on days when there were scheduled drills. A new principal, bless him, came up with a strategy to allow my child to have advance warning 5-10 minutes before drill…
My daughter was in grade 4 when she started having unexplained stomachaches. Attendance was always a problem with her. Grade 1 was difficult. The teacher was militant about attendance. She had friends. She did well when there, just hard getting her there. Grade 4, stomachaches. Doctors, chiropractic appointments (chiropractor said it was anxiety), massage therapy.…
When my son was in kindergarten, he would cry all the way to school, saying he didn’t want to go. He would say that I was the worst mom ever and that I was mean for making him go. I could handle this, even though it was heartbreaking, as most days, he would get to…
My family and I are completely overwhelmed by what we deal with every day. ADHD and anxiety sound so simple; they are busy and worried. Ya, no, it is so much more; it affects every aspect of life for everyone in the family. He tries so hard, so hard. When he is stressed, it is…
My daughter’s story is really long. I will try to shorten it up. Her struggle with anxiety has been since birth but really came out during sophomore year in high school. When we first approached the school, they immediately looked at her grades and said she’d be fine. She didn’t need a 504 for her…
My child had low-key anxiety, but then got suddenly sicker with a whole bunch of things. She had daily panic attacks at school. She was told she was disruptive, and she had to leave the class. In reality, she had her head down on her desk and her breathing was loud. Making her leave class…
I have struggled with a couple of my daughters – it is heartbreaking and makes you feel sad and mean when you start pushing them to go. When you try to make changes to fix the problem, you need to be strong enough to advocate for your child against a system that is not flexible.
I would love to tell my whole story, but I feel it’s too long and honestly still so emotional of an experience to retell in full. I will share that I followed my gut and was right that my son had learning disabilities and wasn’t just misbehaved. I will say that being told your child…
My son’s class of 25 is currently in a music/food prep kitchen, which was quickly converted due to massive school population growth. The room is crowded, and the acoustics make the room so loud, even noise-cancelling headphones don’t help him. They didn’t have coat hooks and needed to use bins on the floor until January.…
My son had a psychotic episode two weeks before his 12th birthday. It’s been almost two years, and his mental health recovery has been slow. The first day of grade 7, he curled up in a ball on the floor outside the office, with his hood pulled over his head. People and other kids were…
My son experienced an existential crisis after his grandfather’s death. Wrapped up in my own grief, I did not see his struggle. He became disassociated and disengaged from school and didn’t want to go. It was a classroom teacher who asked me what was going on with him, because when he was at school, he…
When my children were four and eight, their father decided to absent himself from their lives on a semi-permanent basis, which has increased over the last twelve years to the point of a visit two or three times a year for a meal. Our home caught fire, with me home alone, a month after he…
Our daughter struggled with school from grade 2 onward. Every year brought new challenges. Her anxiety grew into anorexia and depression in grade 8. Her circle of friends dwindled as she withdrew into herself. Once into high school, she fought hard to find a place within social groups to feel as if she belonged. She…
The school has failed us on so many levels. They actually lost my daughter’s file that included all the psychological assessments and family court orders, etc. It is exhausting, and I’m starting to feel that school officials themselves are bullies.
When I was in grade 7, I was singled out every day for 4 months, to the point where I begged my parents not to send me back to the school, I would sob almost every day and feel sick at the thought of going back to a school with a borderline mentally abusive teacher…
My daughter has been feeling anxious about going to school. She feels she does not fit in, that no one likes her, and she just wants to stay home. The teachers have been great, but I worry about the time it is taking them to cater to her when they have 30 other children that…
Start in grade school. Teachers, you’re stuck in old ways of teaching and not listening to the child, and bullying from both teacher and kids, causing anxiety and stomach issues.
Please feel free to use any of my longer-form answers, in full or in part, if it helps to illuminate points you want to address. I firmly believe we can’t really deal with this sufficiently if we don’t take into account all the social factors surrounding the issue (parents in precarious work/gig economy, lack of…
Things were fine with my son until this year, grade 4. I was warned about his teacher, that she favours girls and is hard on boys. My son thinks differently from other children; he is very well-read and is a sponge of information. Within the first few weeks of school, I was getting phone calls…
Our road has been long and is still full of twists and turns. My daughter is in grade 11 and is 16 this week. She has not had a “regular” school year since grade 7. Her anxiety began much earlier; from day one of kindergarten, she hid and did not speak. To anyone outside the…
My son has been experiencing anxiety about going to school since kindergarten. Throughout his educational years, he has been yelled at by teachers and principals, and has even been physically restrained in order to make him stay at school. He has been locked in a classroom so he wouldn’t escape. He has run away from…
My daughter would love to play and learn like the other kids she knows, but when the bus rolls up, she shakes with fear. She will go to the stairs of the bus and look at me; I will tell her she can do it; and then she will begin to shake her head “no”;…
My 14-year-old daughter lost her very best friend to suicide at age 13 due to depression and issues with school. They were like twins. Best friends for 7 years. My daughter was devastated. Refused to go back to school, too difficult now alone. Tried to go half days. Tried alternate days. Teachers were of little…
If a child suffers from anxiety, they should be given a survey to rate where the problem areas are in the school. They could rate which settings cause them the most anxiety, and teachers/parents could help work out a plan to ease the anxiety during the school day.
My youngest son was an exemplary student in elementary school. Teachers loved him; he had many friends. He entered grade 8 in an 8-12 school, and he sank fast and hard. Too big a school, too large an age gap to compete with. From a school of 400 to a school of 2,000. It was…
There is no one face of anxiety or depression. Compassion and understanding are the key. What if this were your child? Show love and compassion to not just the child but also his/her parent(s). They’re doing their best. It needs to be a collaborative approach built on trust and understanding, to make school a safe…
My son has hated school since kindergarten (he’s in grade 2 now) and it breaks my heart. I’ve put him onto the bus crying more times than I can count, then I try to go to work and be productive. Would I continue at a job that I hated? No, but I expect my child…
My child was always anxious, but after being mauled by a dog in 4th grade, he developed school refusal. I was allowed to accompany him into the school and to let him get comfortable and then leave. This worked, and things were getting better, but other kids started teasing him. A teacher (not his own)…
My son’s kindergarten teacher would call me and tell me he would not sit on the sitting mat and for that he was disciplined. He has never sat still and when he and I study for tests, he is either jumping on the trampoline while I explain things to him and he asks questions, or…
It begins slowly in the beginning. They wake up and groan groggily that: * they didn’t sleep well, tummy ache, headache (*insert any imaginable reason for not going to school). Then it begins to appear to become a “habit” and you explain they have to go to school. “It’s the law!”… (because you think they’re…
My son’s struggles began very early in his education. Preschool days were hard….He would try to run away from class to come home. He just didn’t want to be there from the start. Every day was a struggle. He didn’t learn well from a young age, and I pointed that out to the school team,…
My daughter started refusing to go to school in grade 2. By grade 8, she was acting out and getting suspended multiple times a year. Many arguments, meetings, doctor appointments, counselling sessions, CPS visits. In grade 9 (new school), same thing. She is smart, shy, and sassy. She knows what to do to get suspended.…
We’ve dealt with school refusal for 6 years, all of my son’s primary schooling. It wasn’t until last year, when he ended up dropping out of grade 5, that I understood school refusal to be a thing. That we weren’t alone. That he wasn’t the only kid unable to attend school at times. School refusal…
Up until his grade 5 year, my son loved school. However, in grade 5, his teacher did not comprehend that he was not a ‘typical’ grade 5 student. Despite my providing her with information about his LDs, ADHD, executive functioning issues, and his learning needs, she felt he should be able to remember his homework,…
My daughter started having trouble attending school in grade 7. For months, we worked as hard as we could as parents to try to get her to attend. We felt we were listening to her concerns while also pushing her to go. It wasn’t until months later that we learned not only that her IEP…
My son has a diagnosis from a psychologist/paediatrician. He has been suspended from his school 34 times. He is only in grade 2. He also does not even do full days at school, because he does not have supports in place, even with documentation saying he needs the supervision. I have had phone calls multiple…
My son has suffered from anxiety toward school since he entered grade 1. In kindergarten, he loved school and was even subtracting numbers and adding numbers from the dice correctly. Soon after entering grade 1, he started to dislike school and say it was hard. His teacher would email daily telling me he was not…
Our daughter is very scared of thunderstorms and high winds, and if she thinks there is such weather coming, she says that she will not be going to school. We will do whatever we can to support her, but the fear is real and can incapacitate her. The school has been extremely supportive, and will…
My 9-year-old son has always had a lot of anxiety around school, but this year we have experienced flat-out school refusal where I’ve had to miss work. It’s affecting our income. Now that he’s a “big kid”, I can’t simply make him go or carry him to the car like I used to (while dying…
While sitting in the principal’s office (school and family relationship has been difficult because school has tried to impose their point of view), the psychologist says, “It takes a village to raise a child,” to which I responded, “You’re NOT part of my village.” Schools need to learn to respect parents’ point of view and…
The worst of it started in grade 3; by grade 4, my daughter’s teacher had alienated her from her fellow classmates, and subsequently staff, due to issues with her peers. The school counsellor did nothing but make the problems worse; the principal told the teacher to send her to the office whenever there was an…
“You can do better than this” was the common message given to our child. Because we are a high-functioning , educated, middle-class family, our child was always overlooked and under-supported. We did the right things as parents in our home to accommodate his needs but the school didn’t attempt to accommodate. Every intervention to support…
My daughter was in grade 9 – so already a big transition year for her in starting high school. She was also recently diagnosed with ADHD, LD, and anxiety. When she was overwhelmed, her anxiety would peak. She went on ADHD medication that made her anxiety worse. Once she went off the medication, she had…
My child’s anxiety has always been due to bullying or inappropriate behaviour from other kids. She has never felt supported or protected by anyone at the school. She once got punched on the school bus by a boy with fetal alcohol syndrome. When I went to the vice principal about it, the boy was fully…
My daughter was bullied by peers and struggled through classes, but didn’t struggle enough to get much help. Yet in her mind she was failing at everything – friends, school; then she hit rock bottom when her dad and mom were divorced. She became depressed and had migraines and stomach pains – self-harm, suicide, and…
After many negative experiences with my child’s school staff, the psychologist said to me in one of the meetings, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I responded, “You are not part of my village.” When the school system is not part of the solution, but part of the oppression with aggressive policies, the…
My son has been saying he hates school for 5 years now. It started in grade 1 when he reflected that his whole class seemed selfish and mean. He said no one listens to the teacher and everyone wants to do what they want to do. I knew he was an empathetic and sensitive child…
Our son became ill in the early spring of grade 6. He missed 3 weeks of school when we tried to send him back even though he wasn’t completely healthy. We kept getting phone calls to come and pick him up. We decided to just keep him home until the doctors could diagnose his illness.…
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